A commentary about sports, media, and interpersonal relationships encountered throughout everyday life.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Javy and Me: A Documentation of Excellence

We all have our vices. John Gortakowski and long, imaginative articles, Tom & Sean Byrnes and New York Yankees, Devin Rochford and adult diapers, Adam Shave and elite prospects, Mike Gortakowski and “Chemonomics,” Francis McFadden Jr. and highest points against total, and, most of all, Brian McFadden and Javy Vazquez.

It all started two years ago, in 2005 Brian McFadden and the Guns of Navarone toughed out their most despicable season in franchise history. Doomed by first and third round busts Carlos Beltran and Jim Thome, McFadden watched his team stumble through the first part of the season… Down the corridor of the 4th floor of Finlay Hall, Devin Rochford, the eventual champion, pondered the numerous ways he could improve his team. Would it be by trading one of his overrated arms or, perhaps, dealing an important bat? As we all know, a champion’s work is never done. Devin eventually found himself negotiating with eventual rival Brian McFadden in a blockbuster deal that would ship Javy Vazquez and Brad Penny to the Guns for 1B/OF Brad Wilkerson and SP/Punk Rocker Derek Lowe. And the rest, they say, is history. Javier L. Vazquez and Brian McFadden have been inseparable ever since.

They have double-dated, shared stock advice, and even named their children after one another (see: Brian Rodrigo Vazquez). The fact of the matter is, there would be no Guns of Navarone without Javier Vazquez. As always, Brian McFadden drafted Vazquez in this past March’s 2007 ICC draft. The selection was met with mock laughter as rivals John Gortakowski and Tom Byrnes merely shook their heads in amusement. “McFadden is the most predictable drafter in the league… We all knew he was going to take Vazquez, he surprised no one,” said Dr. Gorto after the draft.

McFadden, however, could give a shit about what everyone thought about his main man. “I know that everyone laughed when I drafted Javy, but I felt that I owed it to him. We’ve been through a lot together,” said the Guns owner. In the end, McFadden revealed that Javy would not be relied upon in a weekly role for the Guns, rather, as a spot starter if injuries plagued the team down the road. Acquisitions of Jake Westbrook and Ervin Santana made the chance of starting Vazquez even slimmer as the two young guns displayed more potential than the “average” Vazquez had over his career.

When Week 14 approached the Guns of Navarone faced off against Devin Rochford and Los Guapos, who stole a win away from him in Week 2 of the 2007 season. “I wanted in,” stated Vazquez, “I have always had it out for Devin ever since that mid-season trade. I love beating up on him.” According to reports, Vazquez spent several hours in McFadden’s office pleading his case for the start. Eventually, his friend and GM gave in. “Out of respect, Javy deserved this start,” McFadden stated, “Seriously, he could be a number 3 or 4 on any other team.” Vazquez made the most of the opportunity as he completely bent Rochford and Los Guapos over a chair scoring 71 points for the Guns of Navarone. “I can’t remember ever getting a performance like that out of a starting pitcher,” McFadden said on Sunday night, “Javy’s two complete games are the sole reason for our win this week.”

“Screw him!” Rochford exclaimed, “I had the chance to get that guy back two weeks ago and I turned the deal down!” Rochford slammed the door to his office shut knowing that rejecting that deal was the different between 3 games back and 1 game back of the top spot in the South. In fact, Rochford could’ve swept divisional play in Weeks 12-14 with the help of Javy Vazquez… instead he went 1-2.

Around the league others couldn’t believe the Guns’ prolific comeback. “Javy Vazquez?!?!?!? 71 points?!?!?!? I could use that instead of Ollie Perez’s microscopic 11 points per week!” screamed Francis McFadden Jr. “Who’s Javy Vazquez?” questioned Noel Johnson, “If he’s a starting pitcher let me know… I could use that!” But instead McFadden remains mum on the trade rumors surrounding Vazquez, “At this time, I have no comment on that status of Javy,” said McFadden, “he has and continues to be one of the most serviceable players in franchise history and we are grateful for his presence on the team.” On Sunday night, baseball took a vacation. All-Star flew to San Francisco, others traveled home. Javy Vazquez sat poolside, biting down on a Cuban, glass of lemonade in hand, staring into the intense sun rays knowing that he had single-handedly secured a three-game lead for the Guns of Navarone.

No comments: